Stop Comparing Yourself To Others: Turn Comparison Into Your Teacher

Inspired by The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins

This BLOG is an extract from my Career Book Club Podcast, where we explore real strategies for thriving in your career. Each week I share key lessons from some of my favourite career and personal development books, plus real-world stories and practical coaching tips so you can put the ideas into action.

I know some people prefer reading to listening, so I pull the highlights into my BLOG. I hope you enjoy reading — and if you’d like to share some of your favourite books, please get in touch. I love a good recommendation.

.

Introduction

One of the habits I struggle with the most is, “comparisonitis”.

Whether it’s at work, in my business, or even in my personal life, I have this awful habit of looking at someone else’s success and immediately assuming they’re doing it right and I’m doing it wrong. I compare up. I compare unfavourably. And then I spiral.

When I first read the “Let Them” chapters in Mel Robbins’ book The Let Them Theory — especially the section on making comparison your teacher — I felt like she was inside my head narrating my inner chatter. The line that struck a chord with me was:

“Mindlessly scrolling on social media or feeling inferior to someone else makes you feel stuck, hopeless, and perpetually behind.”

That. Was. Me.

And maybe you too?

Let’s break this down — because comparison isn’t a small mindset quirk. It’s a habit pattern with a really specific emotional cost. But more importantly, like any habit pattern, you can shake from it.

.

The Emotional Cost of “Why Them, Not Me?”

Comparison is natural. It’s human. But when it becomes obsessive — it becomes destructive.

There are usually two flavours of this habit:

.

1) “Life is unfair”

🔹 Why did she get the promotion?

🔹 Why does she always get the plum projects while I get the leftovers?

🔹 Why do her ideas get listened to while mine are ignored?

.

2) “I’m not enough”

🔹 I wish I had her confidence so I could present like that.

🔹 Why can’t I come up with ideas like she does?

🔹 How is she so articulate? Why can’t I sound like that?

.

Those two patterns — unfairness + lack — don’t just make you feel bad, they drain your motivation.
And they freeze action.

I’ve seen colleagues literally get paralysed with procrastination because they were so consumed with comparing themselves to the “chosen ones” in the office.

And I’ve done it to myself.

That’s not just unpleasant — that is momentum theft.

.

“Let Them” — The First Release Valve

Mel’s language is deceptively simple:

Let Them.

🔹 LET THEM get the promotion.
🔹 LET THEM have the success.
🔹 LET THEM be brilliant.

Let them.

When I consciously say that in my head — it breaks the spell of fixation. I stop feeding the emotional machine that keeps the comparison loop alive.

In fact, I would suggest you take it even further and decide to celebrate their succeed. Be happy for them and congratulate them.

And when you drop the “why them” narrative — You get access to something more powerful:

Let me.

🔹 LET ME decide what I want to improve.
🔹 LET ME examine this skill gap.
🔹 LET ME take ownership of my next step.

It’s not passive. It’s not “oh well”. It’s a pivot.

“Let them” is not giving up.
It’s giving yourself back to yourself.

.

Comparison Can Become Curriculum

This is the part that surprised me. The most when Mel suggests we don’t stop at “letting go”. We use the comparison as a teacher.

Think about it:

🔹 Most of the skills we envy in others — they learned.
🔹 Their confidence came from exposure.
🔹 Their articulateness from practice.
🔹 Their network from conversations.
🔹 Their opportunities from showing up.

So comparison can become a roadmap. Instead of envying — study.

Instead of thinking “I wish I could do that too” — go stand next to the people who can.

One of my favourite quotes is Jim Rohn’s:

“You are the average of the five people you spend most of your time with.”

So instead of avoiding the people who intimidate you — Spend more time with them.

LET THEM be brilliantly confident. LET ME learn from their brilliance.

.

The Habit Shift (practical steps you can start today)

3 specific practices that have worked for me:

1) Notice the comparison moment - Don’t fight it. Name it. “I’m comparing again.”

2) Say it out loud (or in your head): “Let them” - Literally interrupt the loop. Let them have that success. Let me focus on my lane.

3) Turn it into data, not drama

Ask yourself:

• What specifically do I admire in this person?

• What’s the first tiny step I could take to learn that skill?

• Who can I spend more time around who is already doing this well?

This is where comparison becomes curriculum.

If comparison is costing you your momentum — please know you’re not alone. I know exactly how demoralising it can feel. But there is another way.

Let them have what they have. Let yourself learn what you need to learn. Let comparison become a clue — not a cage.

And then — go create your own version of success.