Transform Your Inner Critic Into Your Inner Coach

Inspired by Chatter: The Voice in Our Head by Ethan Kross

This BLOG is an extract from my Career Book Club Podcast, where we explore real strategies for thriving in your career. Each week, I take key lessons from brilliant career and personal development books and blend them with real-life stories and practical coaching tools you can use immediately.

I know some people prefer reading to listening, so I pull the highlights into my BLOG. I hope you enjoy this one — and if you have a book recommendation you’d love me to cover, please get in touch. I always love hearing from you.

Introduction

Let me ask you something gently…

How loud is your inner critic these days?

If your answer is “too loud,” you’re not alone.
Most of us — even high-performing professionals — walk around with an internal voice that flips between unhelpful, dramatic and downright cruel.

You know the moments:

• replaying conversations over and over

• catastrophising a meeting before it happens

• spiralling at 1am

• convincing yourself you’re about to fail, embarrass yourself, or fall short

Ethan Kross calls this mental loop chatter, and he describes it as “the darker side of our inner voice.”
And honestly? That description is spot on.

In today’s blog, we’re diving into three of the most practical, science-backed tools that help you shift out of spiralling chatter and into a calm, grounded internal voice that actually supports you — not scares you.

These tools come from Ethan’s incredible book Chatter, and they form the heart of this week’s podcast episode.

Let’s get into them.

1. Distanced Self-Talk: Your Name Has Power

Have you ever noticed how much wiser and calmer you are when giving someone else advice?

And yet when it comes to yourself, your inner dialogue turns into:

“I can’t do this.”
“I’m going to mess this up.”
“Everyone will see I’m nervous.”

Distanced self-talk flips that pattern.

Instead of saying I, you speak to yourself using your name or you.

So instead of:

“I’m terrified of this presentation.”

You say:

“Okay Julie, you’ve prepared. You can handle this. Let’s go.”

Sounds simple, right?
But here’s the magic: using your name creates just enough psychological distance for your brain to calm down and think logically again.

Research shows it reduces emotional intensity in the moment. Brain scans even show that self-distancing quiets the parts of the brain responsible for rumination and panic.

It’s not weird.
It’s not self-indulgent.
It’s a performance tool.

Athletes do it. Leaders do it. Public figures do it.
They’re not being dramatic… they’re being smart.

Try it next time your thoughts start spiralling. Say your name. Give yourself a calm direction. Notice the shift.

2. Imagine Advising a Friend (The Friend Effect)

This one is my personal favourite — and the tool I often use in my coaching programs.

Here’s the truth:
We are wise, compassionate, rational and supportive… when talking to other people.

When talking to ourselves?
We’re brutal.

That’s where this tool comes in.

The next time you’re stuck in anxious self-talk, pause and ask:

“If my best friend came to me with this exact problem, what would I say?”

You will instantly find the clarity and calm you couldn’t reach for yourself.

Because your friend-self is kind.
Your friend-self sees the bigger picture.
Your friend-self speaks in solutions — not self-criticism.

Now take that advice… and give it to yourself.

This one shift breaks the cycle of self-judgement and taps into something Ethan calls “wise reasoning.” It’s the ability to step back, see clearly, and problem-solve without emotional fog.

You already know how to do this — you’re brilliant at helping others.
This tool simply lets you access that wisdom for yourself.

3. Reinterpret Your Body’s Stress Response

You know that moment before something stressful where your body goes into full alert?

Your stomach flips.
Your heart races.
Your face heats up.
Your hands shake.

And your brain says:

“See? You’re panicking. You can’t handle this.”

But here’s the thing:
Your body isn’t betraying you.
Your body is preparing you.

Those physical sensations are your system gearing up — not shutting down.

Ethan Kross encourages us to reframe the symptoms:

• Your rapid heartbeat? More oxygen to your brain.

• The butterflies? Your body sharpening focus.

• The rush of heat? Adrenaline giving you energy.

In other words:

This isn’t fear. This is fuel.

It’s not easy — I won’t pretend it is.
I still practice this myself. Especially the face-reddening moment… we all know that one.

But when you can look at those sensations and say:

“My body is helping me, not warning me.”

You break the fear–panic–chatter loop completely.

This reframe has been shown to improve performance, confidence and stress recovery.
It flips dread into readiness.
It turns fear into excitement.

And that’s a game-changer.

Bringing It All Together

All three tools help you do one core thing:

Step out of the storm of your thoughts… and into a wiser, calmer version of yourself.

• Use your name to coach yourself.

• Talk to yourself like someone you love.

• Reinterpret your physical reactions as strength, not danger.

These are tiny shifts with enormous impact.
They stop chatter from running the show and bring your inner coach back online.

And here’s the real beauty:
You can use any of these tools privately, quietly, anywhere.
A meeting room.
A bathroom stall.
Your car.
Your bed at 2am.

They work because they interrupt the loop and give you a doorway back to clarity.

Try This Over the Next Week

The next time you feel the chatter kicking in:

1. Say your name.
“Okay Julie… let’s figure this out.”

2. Ask yourself what you’d tell a friend.
(You’ll be surprised how kind you are.)

3. Reframe your jitters.
“My body is ready. I can use this.”

Try them.
Play with them.
Let them become part of your internal toolkit.

Your inner critic isn’t going anywhere — but with these tools, it stops being the enemy.
It becomes the coach.
Your coach.