Making the Most of Your Workplace Relationships

Inspired by How Women Rise by Sally Helgesen and Marshall Goldsmith

This BLOG is an extract from my Career Book Club Podcast, where we explore real strategies for thriving in your career. Each week I share key lessons from some of my favourite career and personal development books, plus real-world stories and practical coaching tips so you can put the ideas into action.

I recognise some people prefer reading to listening and so I pull the highlights into my BLOG. I hope you enjoy reading and, I love a good recommendation, so if you would like to share some of your favourite books, please get in touch.

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Introduction

In this Career Book Club episode, I explore one of my favourite books — How Women Rise by Sally Helgesen and Marshall Goldsmith — and what it teaches us about the hidden habits that quietly hold women back at work.

We’ll dive into three of the most common relationship-based habits:
🔹 Building relationships but not leveraging them
🔹 Failing to enlist allies early
🔹 The disease to please

I share real stories — from my own career and from the book — that show how these patterns show up in everyday work life, and how to replace them with healthier, more strategic habits that help you rise with confidence and authenticity.

If you’ve ever felt stuck between being helpful and being seen, this one’s for you.

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Relationships at Work: More Than Being Liked

When we think of relationships at work, our minds often jump to networking — small talk at events, awkward introductions to senior leaders, or trying to “be visible.” But relationships are much more than being liked or known. They’re about being trusted, supported, and seen — and they’re essential to sustainable career growth.

As we unpack this, I want you to reflect on your own relationships at work. Do you build and nurture them deliberately and strategically? Or do they just “happen” when they happen? If you’re working remotely or in a hybrid setup, you probably already know that “organic” connection is harder than ever. So let’s explore how to be intentional without feeling inauthentic.

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Building Relationships But Not Leveraging Them

Many professionals — and especially women — are excellent at building relationships but hesitant to use them. We value authenticity and connection, but when it comes to asking for support, introductions, or visibility, we freeze.

We tell ourselves: “I don’t want to use people.” or “If I just work hard, people will notice.” That mindset creates what I call the Silent Network Trap — a network that exists but stays passive. Underneath that hesitation is a story: we’ve been socialised to believe that asking for help diminishes our credibility. But the truth is, leverage is not manipulation — it’s collaboration. It’s how business actually gets done.

When you don’t leverage your relationships, you miss opportunities for mentorship, sponsorship, and visibility.

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You remain seen as helpful — but not strategic.

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Four principles that make leverage empowering:

• Leverage is reciprocal — both sides benefit.

• Leverage is intentional — you connect purposefully.

• Leverage is strategic — it aligns with shared goals.

• Leverage is rewarding — it opens doors and builds confidence.

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During my career, I worked in a sales organisation where multiple teams served the same client. A colleague and I realised we were both courting the same account — he for hardware, me for maintenance services. Instead of competing, we partnered. I introduced him to my contacts; he did the same for me. We went in together, offered a stronger joint solution, and both hit our goals. That’s leverage in action — partnership, not politics.

In the book there is the story of Amanda, a product coordinator at a medical device company, hesitated when a salesman asked her to connect him with her former hospital colleagues. She thought he wanted to use her network. But what she missed was the mutual value — her former colleagues could have benefited from access to new products, and she could have demonstrated her influence internally. When it came to charity fundraising, she happily ‘leveraged’ her friends to raise money — the difference was context. Her mindset was the real barrier.

If you struggle to leverage your relationships, try the following to get started:

• Reframe leverage as partnership.

• Reach out to someone you respect and ask for an introduction to someone they know who you would like to connect with.

• Keep your connections warm — send updates, celebrate their wins, and share resources.

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Failing to Enlist Allies Early

When we start a new job, many of us focus on proving ourselves through competence. We bury ourselves in processes, systems, and tasks — determined to learn everything before we reach out to others. This is the Head-Down Trap. It’s driven by good intentions but often backfires, leaving us isolated and unseen.

Without allies, you work harder and accomplish less. You miss early chances to build trust and visibility — the very things that matter most.

A client of mine once started a new role and spent her first month learning technical systems. When she finally began collaborating, she discovered there was someone who could have solved her biggest challenge in a single meeting. She hadn’t been avoiding people — she’d just postponed connection. But by waiting, she lost momentum and confidence.

In the book we’re introduced to Diana, a senior leader, who was hired to lead a new business unit. Her instinct was to get up to speed on the technical details first. Her boss stopped her and said, “I didn’t hire you for your technical knowledge — I hired you for your relationships. That’s your superpower.”

He already had a team full of people with technical knowledge, what they were not so good at was building the relationships they needed for the team to succeed. That advice transformed her leadership approach. She began prioritising people over process — and built credibility faster than she ever could through expertise alone.

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Suggestions to Build Allies Early:

• Identify allies: peers, decision-makers, mentors, and connectors.

• Schedule early conversations: “What advice would you give someone new in this role?”

• Show interest in others’ goals and find shared priorities.

• Follow up consistently — relationships grow through repetition.

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The Disease to Please

The Disease to Please looks like helpfulness on the surface, but underneath, it’s often driven by fear — fear of disappointing people or being seen as difficult. You say yes to everything: the extra project, the quick favour, the emotional support role. You become the dependable one — the fixer — but over time, that reliability turns into resentment.

People come to you for help, not leadership. You’re seen as the doer, not the decision-maker. Your workload expands, your energy drains, and ironically, your impact diminishes.

A woman in How Women Rise built her reputation on being reliable. But as her team grew, she couldn’t sustain it. Her desire to please everyone meant she was constantly stepping in — robbing her team of autonomy and herself of bandwidth. Eventually, both her team and her boss lost confidence in her ability to lead.

I’ve been there too. I once took on a pile of work outside my targets because I didn’t want to let my peers down. They loved me for it — but my boss saw it differently. My results slipped, and I was suddenly labelled ‘unfocused.’ It was painful, but it taught me a powerful truth: every ‘yes’ costs something. If it costs your credibility, it’s not generosity — it’s self-sabotage.

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Suggestions to Break the Cycle:

• Pause before committing — ask if it aligns with your goals.

• Say no gracefully: “I’d love to help, but I can’t commit right now.”

• Redirect or delegate when possible.

• Audit your calendar weekly and remove low-value tasks.

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Wrapping Up

Workplace relationships are the foundation of every thriving career. But to truly grow, you have to do more than build them — you must use them wisely, nurture them deliberately, and protect your energy along the way.

Key Takeaways:

• Leverage is partnership — give and receive value openly.

• Allies amplify your success — connect early and often.

• Boundaries are power — saying no protects what matters most.

Your career doesn’t grow in isolation. It grows in connection. So this week, reach out, reconnect, and reflect on the relationships that help you rise. And if you haven’t yet read How Women Rise, here's the link — it’s one of the best investments you can make in yourself.