Quit those Career Sabotaging Habits

Inspired by How Women Rise by Sally Helgesen and Marshall Goldsmith

This BLOG is an extract from my Career Book Club Podcast, where we explore real strategies for thriving in your career. Each week I share key lessons from some of my favourite career and personal development books, plus real-world stories and practical coaching tips so you can put the ideas into action.

I know some people prefer reading to listening, so I pull the highlights into my BLOG. I hope you enjoy reading — and if you’d like to share some of your favourite books, please get in touch. I love a good recommendation.

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Introduction

In this final episode from How Women Rise, we’re exploring mindset habits that can quietly derail even the most talented professionals. These are the subtle patterns — the ways we think, interpret, and react — that can limit our impact at work, even when our intentions are good.

The book highlights three habits that fall into this category:

🔹 Being Too Much (Habit 10)
🔹 Ruminating (Habit 11)
🔹 Letting Your Radar Distract You (Habit 12)

Each of these habits can start as a strength — empathy, reflection, awareness — but when they tip too far, they can hold you back. Let’s unpack them together.

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Being “Too Much”

Have you ever been told you’re too much? Too emotional. Too talkative. Too revealing. If so, you’ve probably felt that sting — the subtle message to tone it down. Sally Helgesen calls this the “too much / not enough” double bind. Too much passion? You’re unstable. Too little passion? You’re cold. Too much enthusiasm? You’re naïve. Too little? You’re disengaged. It’s exhausting, right?

Too Much Emotion

Marshall Goldsmith noticed something interesting in his coaching work. For men, the emotion most likely to derail success is anger. For women, it’s often anxiety, resentment, or fear. But here’s the thing — the emotion itself isn’t the problem. Emotions are valuable feedback. The challenge is what you do with them.

The book shares a story about Rosa, a senior executive once nicknamed “The Volcanic Latina” for her passionate reactions. Over time, Rosa learned to temper her feelings, not suppress them. When she felt that surge of emotion, she paused and asked herself, “What’s behind this? What am I really reacting to?” Then, when she’d calmed, she spoke — clearly, confidently, and intentionally. By doing that, Rosa turned her intensity from a liability into a leadership strength. Emotions are powerful — if you use them to inform, not overwhelm, your communication.

Too Many Words

Another form of “too much” is too many words. Many of us dilute our impact by over-explaining, repeating ourselves, or giving too much background. In the corporate world, attention spans can be brutally short — and the higher up you go, the shorter they get.

Executives often tell me, “They just don’t get to the point.” And I’ve also coached people who say, “My boss says I talk too much — but I just want them to understand the context.” Here’s the truth: at senior levels, brevity equals power.

In How Women Rise, there’s a story about Sherry, who worked in medicine. Doctors don’t have time for long explanations — they’re trained to get to the point. That discipline served her well when she transitioned into the corporate world. Her male colleagues noticed how concise she was — and senior leaders loved it. Clarity and brevity project confidence. Over-explaining can signal insecurity. If this sounds familiar, start practicing editing yourself — verbally and in writing. Plan what you want to say. Strip out unnecessary detail. And if you’d like help, I’ve shared a link to my Get to the Point workbook in the show notes — it’s a simple framework to help you communicate more clearly and powerfully.

Too Much Disclosure

Many women (and plenty of men too) tend to share personal struggles or insecurities at work in an effort to be authentic. And while openness can build trust, in a professional context it can backfire. Too much disclosure can make others question your steadiness or confidence. Being authentic doesn’t mean sharing everything you feel.

The key is strategic self-disclosure — sharing personal stories when they serve a purpose. When they inspire, humanise, or build connection. It’s about finding the balance between real and respected. So if you tend to overshare, pause before speaking and ask yourself: Why am I sharing this? Is it for connection, or for reassurance? That one question can save your credibility and strengthen your authenticity.

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Rumination — The Mental Quicksand

Let’s talk about one that robs so many of us of peace and progress: rumination. Rumination simply means replaying a mistake, a conversation, or a moment over and over again in your mind. You know the soundtrack: “Why did I say that?” “What must they think of me?” “How could I have handled that better?” It’s like mental quicksand — the more you struggle with it, the deeper you sink.

In How Women Rise, there’s a story about Liza, a film producer who found herself sidelined when her CEO brought in a flashy new hire. Suddenly, her projects got less attention, and she spiralled inward — blaming herself, questioning everything from her work to her wardrobe. It wasn’t until a conversation with her CEO’s ex-wife that she realised — this isn’t about you. That moment freed her. She stopped replaying and started moving forward.

If you catch yourself analysing every interaction, here’s a simple mindset shift I use with my clients — what I call the Post-Match Analysis.

After any meeting or project, ask yourself just two questions:

1️⃣ What went well?
2️⃣ What could have been even better?

That’s it. No self-blame. No “what was I thinking?” Just reflection and growth. Because rumination keeps you stuck in the past. Reflection helps you move toward the future.

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When Your Radar Becomes a Distraction

Habit 12 is called Letting Your Radar Distract You. Radar is the ability to notice a lot at once — empathy, intuition, awareness. It’s a strength. But it can also become a distraction.

When your radar is always scanning — reading faces, tones, micro-reactions — your attention gets scattered. You start second-guessing yourself and overthinking others.

In the book, there’s a story about Taylor, an executive coach whose strong radar was both her gift and her challenge. During a presentation to 50 potential clients, she noticed one man in the front row who looked irritated. She fixated on him. Then another person interrupted with a complaint. She lost focus, rushed through her talk, and left the session feeling deflated.

Later, a colleague pointed out: that man’s expression might not have had anything to do with her. Maybe he was having a bad day. Maybe he’d had an argument before coming in. Taylor realised she’d been trying to fix the audience instead of serving the audience.

If you have strong radar — that heightened awareness — it’s a gift. But it needs boundaries.

When you catch yourself over-reading reactions, try a quick reframe: That look might have nothing to do with me. Even if it does — there’s probably nothing you can do about it in that moment.

Refocus on your purpose: Why am I here? What do I want this audience to take away? Your job isn’t to control how people react. It’s to show up fully, authentically, and deliver your message.

Wrapping Up

From How Women Rise, we’ve learned that sometimes our strengths — empathy, passion, reflection — can work against us if we don’t channel them wisely.

🔹 Too much emotion, disclosure, or wordiness — Channel, don’t suppress.
🔹 Rumination — Reflect, don’t replay.
🔹 Radar — Notice, don’t absorb.

None of this is about becoming someone else. It’s about refining how you show up, so your strengths shine and your habits don’t sabotage your success.

Thanks for reading this episode of the Career Book Club. If it resonated with you, please share it with a friend or colleague who might need to hear it.