How to Deal With Emotional People

Inspired by The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins

This BLOG is an extract from my Career Book Club Podcast, where we explore real strategies for thriving in your career. Each week I share key lessons from some of my favourite career and personal development books, plus real-world stories and practical coaching tips so you can put the ideas into action.

I know some people prefer reading to listening, so I pull the highlights into my BLOG. I hope you enjoy reading — and if you’d like to share some of your favourite books, please get in touch. I love a good recommendation.

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Introduction

Do you ever feel like you have to manage other people’s emotions just to get through the day?

If you do — you’re not alone. And you’re definitely not crazy.

So many high-performing, highly empathetic professionals end up doing “emotional labour” on behalf of other grown adults — at work, at home, everywhere — because it feels like the only way to keep the peace.

But here’s the truth Mel Robbins lays out in The Let Them Theory:

It’s not your job to manage someone else’s emotions.

Let them.

LET THEM have their feelings.
LET ME deal with my next move — not theirs.

This is one of the most liberating shifts I’ve ever made.

Mel tells a story her therapist shared in which she advised that most adults respond emotionally like eight-year-olds — because we were never taught emotional regulation properly as children.

So we carry childlike behaviours into adulthood.

Think about these:

Child behaviour - sulks in the corner

Adult version - silent treatment

Child behaviour - runs away from the room

Adult version - avoids confrontation

Child behaviour - tantrums / yelling

Adult version - rage texts, slamming doors

Child behaviour - lying to avoid blame

Adult version - same… just more sophisticated

You know these people. You’ve worked with them. You’ve probably lived with a few of them. And if you’re honest — you’ve probably done some of these things too.

That’s not the point.

The point is: your job is not to absorb or fix someone else’s emotional immaturity.

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Workplace Pressure Cooker

Work settings can be like emotional pressure cookers.

• someone sulks when they don’t get their way

• someone becomes defensive at feedback

• someone uses emotional manipulation to avoid a task

• someone spreads negativity and drains the whole room

I’ve seen this play out at scale.

In my late teens, my first job out of school was in a tech office where a manager literally screamed at an employee in the open office. The whole room froze. Everyone stared at their keyboards, terrified to be the next target.

That wasn’t leadership. That was a grown adult having a tantrum.

And yet — so often — the people around them adjust their behaviour to manage the screamer emotionally.

That’s backwards.

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“Let them” is not passive — it’s protective

🔹 You don’t have to match the emotion.
🔹 You don’t have to rescue them out of it.
🔹 You don’t have to soothe it.

You let them be emotional.

And then you:

let me… decide my next step.

This is the part people misunderstand. You don’t “accept” the behaviour. You simply stop engaging with it emotionally. Because trying to correct them mid-tantrum is like throwing petrol on a fire.

Wait.

Pause.

LET THEM have the moment.
LET ME respond in my power — not in their chaos.

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Don’t internalise what’s not yours

I once read a story about a young, new manager who dealt with an older employee who reacted defensively to every tiny request. Eventually the manager resigned because he thought he was the problem.

He wasn’t.

He had absorbed the emotional fallout of someone else’s immaturity — and took it personally.

This is how emotional people can derail good leaders:

• you walk on eggshells

• you avoid giving feedback

• you adjust your behaviour to avoid their reaction

• you take responsibility for their feelings

That’s how you train yourself into self-silencing.

No thanks.

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Practical ways to apply “Let Them / Let Me” at work

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LET THEM be upset, sulky, defensive, loud, quiet, avoidant — whatever.

LET ME:

• keep my tone calm and professional

• stay anchored in facts, not emotion

• decide the timing of my response

• uphold the boundary or expectation

• not carry their emotional state as my problem

• not make decisions just to prevent their reaction

One of my favourite lines from this entire concept:

“Don’t make someone else’s unprofessionalism your problem to solve.”

That is freedom.

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Don’t fix them. Don’t rescue them. Just stop absorbing them.

Your power isn’t in managing their storm. Your power is in choosing how you show up after the storm passes.

And the next time someone around you reacts like an emotional eight-year-old?

You don’t need to counsel them. You don’t need to put out the fire. Just remember the phrase that gives you your power back:

Let them.
Let me.